Don't Use The R-Word.

As I sit here eating my mid-recession lunch of kidney beans (surprisingly sweet today!) and baked organic chicken breast (moist and delicious!) I seriously can't help but laugh at how batshit everyone is going over the fact that their "economic stimulus" checks are effectively in the mail. [CQ, sub. req'd.]

Ok. Let's be real about this. This is not a good economic stimulus package. I mean, if you're middle class and generally able to pay your bills and feed yourself, it's pretty ok. You're probably just excited that the government is giving you a pocket-full of cash and encouraging you to spend it on stuff. Because everyone knows that what I need in my life right now are more foreign-made conveniences. And I'm serious about that. But let's look at the big picture, shall we? Gather round for story time, kiddles. I will regale you with tales of bipartisanship (read: Republicans hacking the teeth out of what at one point was actually a decent economic stimulus package.)

A good economic stimulus package not only focuses on those who are most likely to spend the money (ie: me), but also on those who actually, you know need the money (ie: the unemployed, people on food stamps, etc.). If it's really good, it will also maybe try to create jobs, but getting all three of those things while there are still "fiscal conservatives" on planet Earth is so ridiculously unlikely that, really, I won't even bother hypothesizing.

Now that the first round of checks are mailed, House Democratic leaders want to start considering a second economic stimulus package. One that would include all the things Republican leadership managed to complain out of the first bill. Hooray! Extension of unemployment benefits! Expansion of food stamp benefits! Infrastructure spending to create jobs!

Wait.

Republicans don't think we need a second bill.
Oh well. Better luck next time, poor and lower-middle class America.